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16 July, 2010

iPhone 4 Bumpers Coming Your Way!

If you happen to have an iPhone 4 laying around then you might be interested in a little press conference his Steveness and friends gave on the 16th of July 2010.  I know you are busy so I have distilled the almost 90 minute Apple soul bearing to a Tikka-Masala take-away of said event via various 3rd party sources.  I wasn't physically there so I'm reposting summaries which can mean all of this is completely wrong.  Bold is Apple condensed interpretation. Not bold is um.. not bold. ...

Atennagate 2010 is all because we love you and the damn physics! -- Yes there is a problem. ATT is seeing an additional 1 more dropped call per 100 dropped calls. And that is a problem. Especially as it impacts Sarre Nine while in his Laz-Boy.  This is an issue that hits all phones. The iPhone 4 just happens to be more susceptible because it loves you and wants to get close to those beautiful fingers of yours. The cell signal is embracing your old spice laced fingers (random fresh water fish) instead of entering the the iPhone 4 which uses the Emotivate 4000 Apple designed CPU. The processor gets jealous and turns off your cell signal. Blame it on your beautiful body parts and the damn physics.

On retrospect, the  'Touch Here' indicator might have been a bad idea -- Having a place on the phone that shouts "Touch me here to reduce the prowess of my signal" was great for the press but not so good for Apple and those bars on your phone.

iPhone 4 return rates is less then the 3GS return rate -- I like my 3GS. I like my 4. Return either? No way! And so agrees the 3 million other iPhone 4 users less the 16,497 people that I wouldn't want to see their face on FaceTime anyway.

Steve's health is fine. -- Can't believe that was the first question of the Q&A. What did you expect him to say? "Cough cough.. Not too good right now. Does anyone have some Ibuprofen?".

Apple loves us. -- I never doubted their love and now have confirmation that there is someone in the world that loves me besides the wife, the kid and Kaz Winery.

Steve just got back from Hawaii. -- Wonder which island. I like the Big Island because it is Big and they have coffee. Mmmm, big coffee.

Steve cut his vacation short. -- All because my iPhone 4 gives me a No Signal message when I sit in the Laz-Boy? I could have waited until he got back, you know. Can I send the Apple technicians back now? They've been here for over a 2 weeks and keep drinking all my beer! By the way, they confirm I can't get a Verizon signal either. So much for iPhone 5!

Speaking of beer - We are all getting free iPhone 4 cases! -- Yea! I mean... damn.  Should of bought AAPL @  248.41.

The white iPhone will be here at the end of July. -- Cool. Can't wait for the headlines. "iPhone 4 White gets dirty quicker then iPhone 3GS. Consumer Reports recommends a brown Bell & Howell satellite phone. Blog at 11"

People at the press conference still use BlackBerrys. -- Go figure.

Apple is not perfect -- WTF? Say it is not so! Who shall I pray to now?

Steve uses a bumper -- No more running the iPhone naked. Naked iPhones should only be used in the privacy of your home, a 4 star hotel or on a fishing boat somewhere off the coast of Whistible.  Oops, probably shouldn't mention that last one.  

There you have it. iPhone 4 has an issue but so does every smart phone in the known universe being operated by incompletely known physical laws. Free bumpers shall rain down upon the faithful because Apple loves us. Finally, Bill Gates was right. Apple is not perfect.

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